Back when I still worked, we had contractors in the office and (by law) they had to be treated differently. But they were always asking if they could legally do this or do that so I wrote them a little poem as a reminder.

When events come up for the workforce – one or more of the support contractors always asks if they are allowed under terms of the contract to attend the event. Since the response is always no, I tried to put it into something they would remember. The reverse question also comes up – Can I be in the office without any government people there.


Rules on Contractors

There are two rules on contractors you need to know
If you are asking is it somewhere contractors can go
Rule one will apply - and the answer is NO!
If you don't like the answer and you are coming undone
Then rule two simply states - see Rule number one!

The reverse of this question has also been known
Can I work in the office when I’m all alone?
When all of the government folks have gone home?
Well – there’s really no reason for writing this poem
See the answer to One up above.

The answer is NO this you can embrace
There must be a government person in place
No if ands or buts in every case
If we’re not in here you can’t show your face
See the answer to One up above

Mdailey
01/18/08

Another event came up and as always I had to put in a disclaimer telling the contractors that they were not authorized to attend on the government’s time.

Contractors - please don't ask me the question
You all know the answer - but here's a suggestion
If your workload allows it and your boss says OK
Put in a leave slip and take off that day.

Of course one of the contractors had to find the flaw in my note to them – something about no such thing as a leave slip for a contractor.

So, I sent him this note

Remember Contractor x - he used to bug me like you
And even Contractor Y got a dig in or two
Are they still around? You know what I can do?
Have a nice day - this discussion is through!

Poetic license!!!!!

Mdailey

Telecommuting

It's no secret that supervisors are skittish about their employees working outside the office. But convincing them that productivity isn't tied to physical setting is key to boosting the reputation of telecommuting in government. Here are two different takes on the subject. Anyone care to comment?

Telecommuting


Now you see them - now you don’t
Here they’re working - there they won’t?
What an archaic point of view
Tele-working works - Who knew?
If you seldom venture out your door
You don’t see them less (or more)
Here at work or there at home
To tell the truth, they’re on their own
That’s a fact you can’t refute
Let your workers tele-commute!

Mdailey
04/28/08

Telecommuting & remote computing
The technology’s ripe for all this
The problem is us; it’s a matter of trust
I’m really sure that’s all it is

We are not fools; we have all the tools
To do lots of work from our home
But the powers that be can’t seem to see
The savings that others have shown

There’s no denying we all should be trying
To telecommute if we can
In times of recession more tele-sessions
Should be a big part of the plan

If I had my druthers my sisters and brothers
I’d work from my home every day
There’d be savings at last; on the gas I would pass
And I’d do that if I had my way

Mdailey
10/17/08

EVERYBODY MUST GET MOVED

The Story: Our parent organization was looking for a place to build a fitness center and decided that our building was ideal. It would mean moving at least 10 of our personnel out of the area and into new – more cramped quarters but HQ is HQ and we had to comply. My apologies to Bob Dylan.


EVERYBODY MUST GET MOVED

They’ll move you cause they say they must get fit
They’ll move you and they will not care a bit
They’ll move you into smaller office space
They’ll move you even though it is a waste
But you should not feel so all abused
Everybody must get moved

They’ll move you cause their visitors need rest
They’ll move the worst and YES, they’ll move the best
They’ll move you cause they’ve got to place this guy
They’ll move you and they will not tell you why
But you should not feel so all abused
Everybody must get moved

They’ll move your things but will not move your phone
They’ll move you and say its your new home
They’ll move you up and down the hall
They’ll move you and they will not care at all
But you should not feel so all abused
Everybody must get moved

mdailey

Poor Richard

This was written when one of the usual suspects said he was not going to lunch with us but was going home. He said it all with a knowing smile and speculation was colorful. So – out came the bad poetry to remember the moment.

Nooner

I knew that later or sooner
Influenced by planets or lunar
One would give in to the itch
I never thought it'd be Rich
To head off to home for a Nooner

Mdailey
06/27/07
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One of our workforce notices several good looking women going to an office event that he could not attend. He was looking forward to the pictures from the event and was quite disappointed when they came out and he only saw the ladies from the back. He voiced his disappointment to me and I replied in kind - - - -


Why do they bother to get out the Kodak
If the beautiful folks are just shown from the back
Poor Richard will simply be so disgruntled
He wants all his beauties to be pictured - full frontaled


Mdailey
06/29/07

Of course any names used in my poetry are not necessaarily attributed to anyone of that name. Sometimes names are changed to fit the rhyme.

Summer Hires

Each summer, the federal government brings college age students into the workforce to give them a taste of federal service. We do not always handle this influx of help quite like i think we should.

SUMMER HIRE

We hire them each summer
One thing they never knew
That when it came to working them
We didn’t have a clue
So some were shredding papers
And bored almost to death
And some were running round so much
They couldn’t catch their breath
Some thought them just free labor
Some thought them budding learners
Some thought it just a give away
We thought them salary earners
So we hire them each summer
And hope we can install
The worth of Federal Service
Before we lose them in the fall

Now I don’t have the statistics
But hope we did inspire
Some to work for Uncle Sam
Who once were Summer Hire


Mdailey
08/21/08

Water Walkers

We all have workers we know that seem to get everything handed to them and management think they can do no wrong. Here are my thoughts on the subject.

Water Walkers

We have some good writers – we have some good talkers
Then we have what we call the Great Water Walkers
They’re not always the best of the best I must say
But they get the plush jobs and the plush bonus pay
The leadership thinks they’re the perfect solution
To all that is wrong with this institution
They get accolades denied to their peers
But most of us see them as just smoke and mirrors
They get an assignment and go off in hiding
So nobody sees on whose coattail they’re riding
They could get into s—t till it covered their nose
And somehow come out smelling just like a rose
Is there resentment from the rest of the crew?
I haven’t got facts but I’ll give you a clue
If asked “are you sleeping” can you answer it true?
Is the Pope really Catholic? The woods full of bear poo?
Of course there’s resentment if I had to guess
For most Water Walkers are full of B.S.!

Mdailey
12/05/07